Dr. Kachoo, Sneezing Expert--Kachoo 2
May 6, 1994

This is the second article by Dr. Kachoo. You may want to start with his first article.

            Last time, I discussed sneezing and the art of civilized man. Today I want to bring to your attention a little known phenomenon that has plagued humankind since the dawn of pre-recorded history, to wit, the graceless sneeze sprayer. This is an individual who insists on sneezing without using his hankie, even without holding his hand in front of his mouth -- and sprays all over the room.
            Remedies for such careless behavior abound but are often not implemented until it is too late. I need not discuss here the multifarious ways by which such an anti-social problem-sneezer can be brought under control. No doubt his childhood was fraught with much turmoil and he never had the opportunity to learn to sneeze in a more careful manner.
            Indeed, a sneeze should always be gracefully performed and with a social conscience. I polite "achoo" is certainly more socially acceptable than a boisterous "yeehaw", splurt. Sneezing should be performed delicately whenever possible.
            Now, regarding the number of sneezes in a row that are acceptable in polite society: Most authorities recommend no more than two sneezes in a row. It is often thought discourteous to sneeze only once as the audience is then waiting expectantly for an encore that does not occur.
            By the same token, sneezing three or more time in a row is certain to be frowned upon in most circles. Exceptions would perhaps include a raucous group of men or boys where the sneezing provides a certain comic relief to an embarrassing situation. In such cases the well-delivered sneeze can be considered to be mildly amusing or even hilariously funny.
            When should we not sneeze? This was partially covered in my last column where I discussed methods of suppressing a sneeze and under what conditions such action should or should not be undertaken. Write to me if you need to request a back copy. In general, it is good to sneeze whenever necessary, but to refrain from doing so when unnecessary, and sneezing should not be provoked in another person for the pure fun of it.
            This brings to mind a question that bears on a related subject. Many of you have written asking if there is a recommended time of day when sneezing is best enacted. This depends largely on individual preference as some people are morning sneezers and some are afternoon sneezers. The dread night sneezer abounds in inner city areas or where fresh air and water are difficult to obtain.
            Sneezing between the hours of 1 to 3 p.m. is generally discouraged in countries where the daily siesta occurs during that time period.
            To sum up, I think it necessary to mention that sneezing etiquette is a subject requiring a good deal of study to be properly carried out. One should not become over-stressed with the considerations involved however, as this may inadvertently either bring on a sneezing attack or reduce one's proper quota of sneezes.
            Until next time this is Dr. Kachoo wishing you happy sneezing and a pleasant weekend.

Note: Any remedies recommended by Dr. Kachoo may be wholly imaginary and are not to be confused with the real thing.